Baby, It’s Cold Outside!


February 28, 2008 by Marj Hatzell

In honor of that Canada Clipper, here’s what I feel like accomplishing today:

Abso-smurfly nothing. Nada. Zilch. Did I mention NOTHING?

Just checking. See, my haircut is soooooo awesome that now I’ve turned into a bit of a Diva and I’m gonna sit and eat bon-bons all day and just think about the ten kinds of Hawesome that I am.

(As if.  Vanity isn’t exactly a skill that I possess with great ease. Really.)

Srsly, though, I have tons to do even though NOTHING IS SCHEDULED TODAY!  w00t!  I could goof-off for hours if I wanted to!  I could!  Except that:

  • I have no food, so TJ’s is on the horizon.  Keep me away from the freezer section (the desserts in particular.  Just the chocolate ones, though).
  • I need to shower, because I had another one of those sweaty-frequent waking things going on last night (can you say, stress?) and I look like I worked out at the gym.  Except I didn’t.  And my muscles aren’t all tight and toned like I’ve been at the gym, and no pervs were ogling me as I lifted, and no one was staring at my butt.  Well, except maybe the dog.
  • The sink exploded this morning (somehow) and the dishes must be saved from themselves, before it is too late.
  • The laundry needs rebooting, because I need clean pants (or I could just wear the dirty ones, and pray no one I know sees me).
  • Bugaboo’s stimming is far less than it has been (he must be sick) but I still hear crunch, crunch, crunch everywhere I walk. It’s like having gravel for a kitchen floor.  Without the rocks. Now, where is that vacuum?
  • My bathroom is beginning to resemble a Bachelor’s bathroom (eeewwww, grooooossss).  This makes sense, because my husband is literally the only one who uses that bathroom. I mean, I take a shower in there once a day but that’s it.  So the stains and hair and stuff?  Totally him. Yeah, I realize that’s TMI.
  • I need a nap.  Because at eight in the morning it is the perfect time to plan my nap for the afternoon.
  • The yard, it needs scooping.  The dog pile variety.  Ewwwww.  More TMI.  I’m glad it is currently a tundra.  Frozen conditions = easy clean up = less DG gagging.
  • I should call a friend for coffee.  She suffered a miscarriage last week and has had an awful time physically.
  • I really, really, REALLY want to finish that flipping HP book.  I was one of those loonies that ORDERED IT SIX MONTHS IN ADVANCE so I’d get it in my mailbox the day it came out.  I read one chapter.   Last week I decided to read it again and start over.  Sigh.
  • Shadow desperately needs grooming and teeth brushing.  I will skip the bath, but can wipe her down and brush her.  This will be much easier than it normally is, since her entire underside is currently a crew cut, due to her medical tests last week.  I miss her pretty, silky, nine-inch-long hair but man-oh-man it was a biatch to keep clean.  I wish they shaved her rear.  She hates it brushed.

The nice thing is that Bugaboo has been much easier this week.  He has been slightly under the weather (headaches, tired, slightly runny nose) and hasn’t felt like doing much. He is not stimming quite as much so there is less for me to clean up!  BONUS!  He hasn’t even been asking for his daily baths.  The only problem is that he hasn’t had a BM in four days.  So either I’m gonna be scrubbing something for hours this evening when he strips or he’s getting an enema (poor kid). Not that the whole Internets needed to know about my kids bowel habits.  But, you know I only write about poo, my dog and my backyard. It’s good that I’ve gotten all of my bases covered today.

Since Bugaboo has been easier, you KNOW that means Bug Boy has been more difficult. For the third time in a row he has had a global nuclear meltdown (or nuc-ul-er for those in Texas named GW) over the seemingly mundane when I’ve gone into school to volunteer.  Yesterday the art teacher kicked us both out because he was hanging on me sobbing (well, not exactly, but I understand why she asked me to take him into the hall).  He has been complaining  about every teensy thing.  He is stressed about school. He is stressed about homework. He is stressed about seatwork.  He is anxious, defiant, obsessive and has a raging temper.  In short, we lost three years of therapy ground in two weeks. I feel like I am back to square one, starting all over again from where we began when he entered early intervention.  The husband and I are frustrated. We are also trying to stay as calm and patient with him as possible, since it is nearly impossible to bring that child down once he is elevated, you know?  But what I really want to do is return him for a new model. Just kidding.  The aliens took my kid so I am waiting for him to be returned, once they do all of their tests and everything.

In other news, the new car?  It totally rocks. I had choir practice at church last evening and was ALLOWED TO DRIVE IT ALL 1.2 miles to my church!  WOOHOO!  Heated seats are soooo nice.  They warm your bum up good and quick. It also has a phat sound system, so I was blaring my XPN program good and loud (as if, folk music doesn’t really blare).  I almost decided to run away and drive to Hawaii. Except I wasn’t sure how the car would handle in salt water and all. And I might run out of gas on the way there.  Then there’s that whole responsibility thingy.

I don’t like it when someone says, “Have a Nice Day!”  All chipper-like.  What if I don’t WANT to have a nice day?  What if I want it to be a crappy day?  That’s my prerogative, isn’t it?  I mean, I usually have a GREAT day, so why don’t they tell me to have a great day?  Are they trying to downplay my awesome day so they save some of the great for themselves?  That’s rather selfish, dontcha think?  This is why I think people should just skip that greeting altogether.  Or they could say have a day, which is redundant, since we get the day whether we want it or not.  Don’t get me started on, “How are you?”  They ask you that, feigning interest, but we all know they are just being polite and all.  One of these days I’m gonna answer, “I’m SUPER!  I just cleaned four hours of poo from my bathroom, steamed my carpets from more poo, my dog has a tumor on her kidney, my husband just totalled his car and my kids are AUTISTIC!  YEAH!!! GO MEEEEEEE!!!! Now, how are you?”  This, of course, should be with a complete stranger, just for the comic effect and all.

Have you had enough of my ADHD brain yet?  Have a day.   (DOH!)

3 thoughts on “Baby, It’s Cold Outside!

  1. Andie says:

    You are so crazy girl…. after you’re done with your list why don’t you come help me with mine. Tell you what, I’ll make YOU coffee. 🙂 Hope you have a great day…unless you want a crappy one, of course.

  2. Rachel says:

    Ooo I hate “How are you?” as a greeting with a passion.

    Go have whatever kind of day you want. I’m off to finish getting ready for the boys’ b-day dinner and console Julia since she’s the only one of the kids who is NOT having a party. It’s tough to not be a twin sometimes!

  3. Cryssyer says:

    Pictures of the new car are in order I think…..

    We have a new slogan at work here – “Make it a GREAT day…”

    Makes me sick, honestly. Most of the time it’s a good day, but GREAT? That would take a large raise and some serious team building at Chuck-E-Cheese. 🙂

    You are my inspiration – have I told you that lately? Lil sis or no, I look up to you!

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